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Welcome To Third Grade


Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out there. It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing. My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and "No Sir", and my teacher is a woman. She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils.

In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and the other was lousy. I said "Cool, tell us the lousy one first."

In science, she asked, "What would happen if one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down. She asked, "Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said, "To cover their space underwear."

In geography,she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said, "Okay, I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff."

And I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems.

We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had roast beef, bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but I don't want to spread it around.

They gave us animal crackers for dessert. On the outside of the box it said "Do not eat if seal is broken." Of course... (these are third grade jokes, try to keep up)

After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games. I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling. My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more time I might pass it. My teacher knows all the answers, of course; she makes up all the questions.

But I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list. Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school and his parents never thought he'd amount to anything! Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his homework. We didn't believe him until his dog graduated from Yale.

When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father helps. I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words to thank him. My dad bought me a thesaurus too. I thought that was very nice, pleasurable, agreeable.

I was doing geography homework and I asked him where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't know, your mother puts everything away!" When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in history.

Thanks, and have a good day at school !

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