- A banker is a
fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun
is shining and wants it back the minute it begins
to rain. (Mark Twain)
- An economist is
an expert who will know tomorrow why the things
he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
- A statistician
is someone who is good with numbers but lacks
the personality to be an accountant.
- An actuary is
someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because
that decreases the chances that there will be
another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
- A programmer is
someone who solves a problem you didn't know you
had in a way you don't understand.
- A mathematician
is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black
cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)
- A topologist is
a man who doesn't know the difference between
a coffee cup and a doughnut.
- A lawyer is a
person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls
it a "brief."
- A psychologist
is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful
girl enters the room.
- A professor is
one who talks in someone else's sleep.
- A schoolteacher
is a disillusioned woman who used to think she
- A consultant is
someone who takes the watch off your wrist and
tells you the time.
- A diplomat is
someone who can tell you to go to hell in such
a way that you will look forward to the trip.