The
New Priest
A new
priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If
I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So
the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and
took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon
return to his office after mass, he found the following
note on his door:
- Sip the Vodka,
don't gulp.
- There are 10
commandments, not 12.
- There are 12
disciples, not 10.
- Jesus was consecrated,
not constipated.
- Jacob wagered
his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- We do not refer
to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
- The Father, Son,
and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior,
and Spook.
- David slew Goliath,
he did not kick the shit out of him.
- When David was
hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.
- We do not refer
to the cross as the Big T!
- When Jesus broke
the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say,
"Eat me."
- The Virgin Mary
is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
- The recommended
grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub, yeah God."
- Next Sunday there
will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's,
not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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