You
know that you are drinking too much coffee when...
- Juan Valdez names
his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You speed walk
in your sleep.
- You have a bumper
sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in
the sack."
- You answer the
door before people knock.
- You haven't blinked
since the last lunar eclipse.
- You grind your
coffee beans in your mouth.
- You sleep with
your eyes open.
- You have to watch
videos in fast-forward.
- The only time
you're standing still is during an earthquake.
- You can take a
picture of yourself from ten feet away without
using the timer.
- Your eyes stay
open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other
people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says,
"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
- You can type sixty
words per minute with your feet.
- You can jump-start
your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- Your only source
of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- Charles Manson
thinks you need to calm down.
- You're so wired,
you pick up AM radio.
- People can recharge
their batteries in your ears.
- Your life's goal
is to amount to a hill of beans.
- Instant coffee
takes too long.
- You channel surf
faster without a remote.
- You'd be willing
to spend time in a Turkish prison.
- You can outlast
the Energizer bunny.
- You help your
dog chase its tail.
- You think CPR
stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
- You haven't slept
since the Carter administration...
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