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You know that you are drinking too much coffee when...
  • Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
  • You ski uphill.
  • You speed walk in your sleep.
  • You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  • You sleep with your eyes open.
  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  • The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
  • You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  • You chew on other people's fingernails.
  • Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
  • You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
  • You can jump-start your car without cables.
  • Cocaine is a downer.
  • Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
  • Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
  • You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
  • People can recharge their batteries in your ears.
  • Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
  • Instant coffee takes too long.
  • You channel surf faster without a remote.
  • You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  • You help your dog chase its tail.
  • You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
  • You haven't slept since the Carter administration...

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