of the I LOVE YOU VIRUS
Security experts and
federal government authorities warn that offspring
of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the loose.
As a public service, we present the following list
of "I Love You" variations and how to recognize them:
- The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually
invades your computer but collects data about it worshipfully
- The "Unrequited Love" virus causes your computer
to be so obsessed with a virus (a virus that it can
never have) that it can no longer function.
- The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around
your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary
until it can find the computer that it really wants
- The "Can't We Just Be Friends" virus makes your
computer think it's interested in invading. Then,
just when your computer is getting excited about the
invasion, it breaks off the connection with your computer,
dashing its hard drive against the rocks.
- The "One Night Stand" virus invades your computer,
turns its hard drive upside down, then disappears
after promising to come back sometime. But it leaves
a twenty in your online bank account.
- The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer
and stays with it for life.
- The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time
negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and
then strays to other computers from time to time.
- The "I Can't Commit" virus hangs around a computer
for a long time and frequently sends messages that
it intends to invade, but is really just interested
in hanging out with your computer's data.
- The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read
messages that your computer isn't working and takes
half of your computer's best data in an ugly network
- The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of
time monitoring your computer, collecting data your
computer has thrown away and trys to record all of
- The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer
to focus solely on other computers that are totally
incompatible with it.
- The "Deadbeat Dad" virus invades your computer,
spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help
update it as it grows.