Grading
By Department
This is a list of
the ways that college professors of different departments
grade their final exams:
Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted
along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot
ink in their exam books, close them and turn them
in. The professor opens the books and assigns the
first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History: All students get the same
grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?
English Dept.: Your final exam will be scored
by totaling the weight of all the books you read this
semester: 40+ pounds - A 30 pounds - B 20 pounds -
C 10 pounds - D <10 pounds - F
Law School: Students are asked to defend their
position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.
Dept. Of Physics: Grades are relative. but...
all theoretical physics are really mathematics. See
Above.
Dept. Of Chemistry: All theoretical chemistry
is really physics. See Above.
Dept. Of Biology: All theoretical biology is
really chemistry. See Above.
Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is
present for the final exam and the student has accumulated
a passing grade then the student will receive an A
else the student will not receive an A.
Dept. Of Marxist Studies: The history of all
hitherto existing society is the history of class
struggles. Therefore, everyone will now get the same
grade.
Dept. Of Economics: All of your grades, as
a collection, will reach the level where your marginal
product (MP) of labor for each individual grade is
equal.
Dept. Of Operations & Logistics Management:
Grades will be posted *at* 12:00 Noon. NOT 11:59 --
NOT 12:01
Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator
determines grade, but... YOUR grade is an object in
a class of its own.
Music Department: Each student must figure
out his grade by listening to the instructor play
the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and
flat respectively).
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