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If
Computers Were Like Cars....
General
Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't
know how to drive, because people don't buy cars
like they buy computers, but imagine if they did....
HelpLine:
"General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:
"Your cars stink!"
HelpLine:
"What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER:
"It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HelpLine:
"What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER:
"I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a
while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't even
start up!"
HelpLine:
"I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if
you misuse the product."
CUSTOMER:
"Misuse it? I was just following this darned manual
of yours. It said to make the car go to put the
transmission in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal.
That's exactly what I did --now the darn thing's
crashed."
HelpLine:
"Did you read the entire operator's manual before
operating the car sir?"
CUSTOMER:
"What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING
the manual said and it didn't work!"
HelpLine:
"Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't
crash?"
CUSTOMER:
"How do you do THAT?"
HelpLine:
"You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's
on page 14. The pedal next to the accelerator."
CUSTOMER:
"Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read
this manual you know."
HelpLine:
"Of course not. What do you expect us to do about
it?"
CUSTOMER:
"I want you to send me one of the latest versions
that goes fast and won't crash anymore!"
HelpLine:
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:
"My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go
anywhere!"
HelpLine:
"Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER:
"Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine:
"There's a little gauge on the front panel with
a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is
the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER:
"It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HelpLine:
"It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it
yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER:
"What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell
me that I have to keep buying more components? I
want a car that comes with everything built in!"
HelpLine:
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:
"Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your
car because it has automatic transmission, cruise
control, power steering, power brakes, and power
door locks."
HelpLine:
"Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:
"How do I work it?"
HelpLine:
"Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER:
"Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine:
"Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER:
"I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places
in my car!"
HelpLine:
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:
"I got in my car and closed the door and nothing
happened!"
HelpLine:
"Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn
it?"
CUSTOMER:
"What's an ignition?"
HelpLine:
"It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER:
"Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all these technical terms just to use my
car?"
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