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Assembler
programs are written with short abbreviations called
MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO,
the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch).
These instructions are frequently abbreviated into
total incomprehensibility. Of course, we all know
that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has
spent any time programming in assembler knows that
all computers can be programmed using an undocumented
set of instructions. Frequently when an error is
made writing a program in assembler a user can actually
see the program executing the undocumented instructions.
These instructions vary from machine from machine,
but all computers have a certain set of them in
common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing
these common instructions for the first time.
ARG:
Agree to Run Garbage
BDM: Branch and Destroy
Memory
CMN: Convert to Mayan
Numerals
DDS: Damage Disk and Stop
EMR: Emit Microwave Radiation
ETO: Emulate Toaster Oven
FSE: Fake Serious Error
GSI: Garble Subsequent
Instructions
GQS: Go Quarter Speed
HEM: Hide Evidence of
Malfunction
IDD: Inhale Dust and Die
IKI: Ignore Keyboard Input
IMU: Irradiate and Mutate
User
JPF: Jam Paper Feed
JUM: Jeer at Users Mistake
KFP: Kindle Fire in Printer
LNM: Launch Nuclear Missiles
MAW: Make Aggravating
Whine
NNI: Neglect Next Instruction
OBU: Overheat and Burn
if Unattended
PNG: Pass Noxious Gas
QWF: Quit Working Forever
QVC: Question Valid Command
RWD: Read Wrong Device
SCE: Simulate Correct
Execution
SDJ: Send Data to Japan
TTC: Tangle Tape and Crash
UBC: Use Bad Chip
VDP: Violate Design Parameters
VMB: Verify and Make Bad
WAF: Warn After Fact
XID: eXchange Instruction
with Data
YII: Yield to Irresistible
Impulse
ZAM: Zero All Memory
PI : Punch Invalid
POPI: Punch Operator Immediately
RASC: Read And Shred Card
RPM: Read Programmers
Mind
RSSC: Reduce Speed, Step
Carefully (for improved accuracy)
RTAB: Rewind Tape and
Break
RWDSK: ReWind DiSK
SPSW: Scramble Program
Status Word
SRSD: Seek Record and
Scar Disk
WBT: Water Binary Tree
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